Best of the Sex Tips
Women and pornography don’t always go together very well. Why is this? There are a few reasons: One of the foremost is that most male porn may not be a turn-on for many women because it’s so fake and not the kind of sex that a woman would perhaps aspire to (think jack-hammering men, huge slamming, jamming dildos, and loud fake-breasted women exaggerating the virtues and talents of their partner beyond what is obviously apparent).
This doesn’t turn her on, and it probably disappoints her that it turns you on. Is that the kind of sex you expect her to give you? Do you wish she looked like that? She likely feels a subconscious pressure to “perform” like a porn star, to look like a porn star, and to be as sexually talented and adventurous as one, too. It may come somewhere along the equivocal lines of “Is my dick big enough?”
The second prominent reason is that she may have been conditioned to view porn in a negative way due to other influences — religious beliefs, family beliefs and personal values. She may not realize that the views she holds are actually other people’s, not her own, and this is an avenue for discussion. Sometimes, re-evaluating and finding the root of why she thinks and feels how she does reveals a lot. She may have been following other people’s rules for a very long time without realizing it (read: parents, siblings, school teachers, etc.).
In saying that, not everybody likes to watch porn, and no matter what you do, you can’t make them — it isn’t for everyone. However, there are some ways that you can introduce your femme fatale to the joys of adult movies to see if she may find some that she likes.
Discuss
First things first: Converse about sex on film. You may find that she has an emotional response to it; she may find it disgusting or degrading to women. If she has a strong negative response, you will need to tread carefully and plot your course very thoughtfully. If she seems open to it, explore further.
Has she ever watched porn? Did she like it? Does she have a preference (i.e., lesbian, gay, straight, etc.)? You need to allow her the freedom to reveal her thoughts — she may quite enjoy watching men have sex with each other, and this may not sit very comfortably with you. Be prepared for what she has to say, as many women actually love watching porn of all descriptions — perhaps just not the kind that you like.
Work out a strategy
If she was in favor of locking up everyone involved in the sex industry and beheading the perps in public, perhaps you shouldn’t bring it up again. If she was in favor of spending a night in and watching people doin’ it, please proceed and enjoy.
If her reaction was anywhere in the middle, she may need some convincing that not all porn is pathetic and disgusting. So figure out where she stands (by following the first tip), then work out a way to bring her around and get her to watch and enjoy porn as much as you do.
Choose movies to watch together
This may involve visiting a sex shop together, or investigating online. Note that online may have a much larger selection and you won’t have to venture into the triple-x zone in public. Choosing a couple of movies together means that you both get what you want, and it’s more fun. It’s doing something together, for each other, as opposed to you choosing a title such as Teen Cum Squad, which probably isn’t going to appeal to a woman as much as it may appeal to you. Be tactful and respectful. You’re using her gender as a sex object outright when you promote porn, so just don’t go overboard. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sexual adventure and erotic movies, but there is a fine line between sexy and sad. Just bear this in mind when choosing films for you and your partner.
Get her to watch porn without even asking her to…
Choosing movies means she can choose things that turn her on as well, and hopefully, this means she will enjoy them. Porn was never really meant to be serious, was it? Even if all you get out of it is a good laugh, it won’t be a waste.
Make it a regular thing
Every so often, choose a couple of movies together and have a night in. If you continue to let her play an integral role in the choosing of the movies, she will respond more favorably and not feel like she’s being led down the garden path.
To take this a step further, if she associates your special, secret night in with enhanced sexual expression and some all-important connecting time — perhaps buy a special bottle of wine (or three) and have an adventuresome sex date at home — she’ll probably book you in every month.
This means your movie stash will grow as time goes by, and a good range of erotica will be viewed — she may even start to know what she likes and (hopefully) become much more enthusiastic about the whole process. It can be a special thing you do together, and will more than likely be loads of fun. And let’s face it: There is nothing better than having a wonderful time with your nearest and dearest — especially if you can get her to watch porn in the process.
What not to do
Now.. this is the most important part of the story. Read it Carefully before you finally start off
Do not, under any circumstances, force her to do or watch something she isn’t ready for. She will be put off forever. Some people — not only women — find porn very offensive, and this may mean that finds you offensive for liking it. That is why the discussion — totally hypothetical, of course, and feel free to use your good friend John’s friend-of-a-friend example — is so vitally important. No doubt you already know that porn is not most women’s favorite topic overall, so tread gently and don’t expect her to fall in love with Stacey V. or Jenna overnight — even though it is entirely possible that she might.
Don’t compare her unfavorably to the female leads, either. This does not include referencing, which you are most welcome to do, such as, “That looks like it would feel good, could you try that on me?” Or even better, “I bet you could do that way better than her.”
Keep your eyes and ears open for any signs she is not having such a good time, and be sensitive to this — try not to let your desire overcome your receptiveness to her feelings. If you seem like you’re having a great time, she may not want to be a wet blanket and ruin your fun. Women often hide their feelings in a bid not to appear prudish. This is not what it’s about — it is about both of you enjoying yourselves, not just you having an excuse to watch porn without getting into trouble.
Most importantly, don’t ever use porn as a substitute for intimacy with her. This is generally what annoys women the most about porn: Their men can spend literally hours in front of it, yet neglect the real woman who is right there in their life. If you think you have a problem with porn, get some help or you may end up with only your movies and magazine to keep you company.
Do not discuss your porn plans with your mates. Certainly, it may be brag-worthy, but keep it private — it’s much more “special” that way.
porn pro
If you are sensitive to her needs and desires, as always with women, you will get ahead in leaps and bounds. Treating her like a respected friend and lover will mean she has more reason to feel safe and be more adventurous with your suggestions — and her own. Honest, open communication about what you want and need out of your relationship and sex life goes a long way too. Keep it light and fun — porn is not supposed to be serious and solemn, it’s supposed to be sexy, one way or another.
Article Suggested By: Yanne R., New York, NY
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